Eden Lake

Eden Lake, we're told at the beginning of the film, used to be called Slapton Quarry. Writer and director James Watkins should have taken the latter for a title. It's more British and there are many things that are wonderful about the British horror movie. For one, you can name the species of tree in every scary wood. You'll know the signposts; understand the confusion faced by many on a country walk and recognise the grey twilight that used to mean it was time to come in for tea. It's one of the reasons you'll like this film.

The others? It has a relentless pace. Time really does fly and yet it's high on tension too. Imagine lowering yourself onto a bramble bush...the relief that you're settled and not in too much pain...only to be told that you're the first to arrive and everyone else has to sit on your lap... for an eternity. Yes, it's like that. There's frustration too. Things are a bit too rosy at the beginning. Girlfriend Jenny's doe-eyed adoration of children screams to be murdered. Boyfriend Steve is oblivious to the fact that any engagement ring in a velour box is doomed to fail...and any weekend that started out that way at the beach, really would have ended there. But, disbelief suspended, it's about to be excluded entirely.

The youth of today eh?! The gobby, rottweiller-owning, mobile-toting Goonies! I was unaware of the prevalence of necklacing in modern rural areas, but let's keep going. Jenny, is perhaps, the worst woman on earth to be stranded with. She will sit still as you're tortured - ah no, she will move slightly so that she can see better. After your horrific injuries ensure there's no way out for you, she'll drag you off and stumble about getting her cardy in knots. On the bright side - the proposal will go well. But for every 'good' there is 'bad'. Steve, prepare yourself for a sizzling ending.

Not content with casting modern youth as a murdering bunch of unintelligible badger-pokers, Eden Lakes lacks the balls to do it properly. The ferral youths live where? Ah, wrong dear reader, not a council estate, how middle class of you. No, they live in a bungalow. And their parents have trades. They also have a bouncy castle and a back yard foam party, but hey, who doesn't?

This is England's Thomas Turgoose is woefully underused in a role where his brilliance shines despite the little screen time given. Hard-faced and sullen, Tara Ellis as Abi starts to capture a generation lost, before she is suddenly caught...in the headlights. Jack O'Connell as Brett does as much as anyone possibly could with a nasty, one-dimensional shit. All in all, the acting is great. It's just impossible to give soul to the souless.

Summing up, so as not to get in the same kind of frightful mess dear Jenny did (played with real grit and determination by the stunning Kelly Reilly - watch her, she'll go far!) ...Eden Lake wanted to be a parable. Had it seized the opportunity, it would have been marvellous. A woman stripped of everything - even her love of children - grabs back power with fierce brutality. All is won and everything lost. But it doesn't. It loses heart and goes the traditional route of a million American horrors and their lesser immitators. It kills hope. It revels in unnecessary violence (please tell me how showing a child killed in a 'necklacing' fireball aids any storyline. Grab headlines you may, win fans? Well, not any you'd want at the DVD signing). Hmmm. I know. It's just a film. But half an hour later, I'm still sat on the brambles. Eden Lake - watch, enjoy, listen for the copycat reports and fingerpointing. It was good. It could have been great.

6/10